Our Warrior Rests

I got really busy after my last post but I figured I'd have lots of things to write about in the upcoming months; the holiday season is always good for a blog or two and this past Thanksgiving, T was a member of the All-State Marching Band that was invited to march in the Macy's Day Parade.  The DC/NYC trip with my family and 700+ band members and their families in all its chaotic glory would have garnered blog-worthy fodder that would easily have taken me into the new year and, possibly, beyond.

Then in early December, my SIL, Jean, passed away and everything seemed to stop.  Perhaps her passing should not have been a shock; she had triple negative breast cancer that had metastasized to her liver and bones.  But Jean's strength, her tenacity and determination to beat this damn disease had me convinced that if anyone could get through this, it would be her.  She fought hard and with dignity for just over a year and for those of us who are so far away, the news that her treatment was no longer working seemed to come from nowhere.

I will always be grateful that I got to see her one more time. Her strength was evident even then; she was sitting upright in bed, her eyes alert and aware; there was no anger there, no bitterness, no worry.  Just a strong sense of peace and acceptance and what got to me the most, genuine concern for MY health and well-being.  I told her I loved her but I hope she also sensed how much I appreciated her; she was my friend, the mother of my much-loved nieces and the perfect person for my brother.  She was his partner in every way and I know he is more complete because she was in his life.

It took me a long time to decide to write this entry--not because I did not want to honor Jean, but because I couldn't imagine being able to adequately combine our sense of sadness for losing her with our sense of joy for having had her in our lives.  We will always miss you, Jean, but in so many ways you are still with us; in the holiday you loved so much, the food you made, and in the character you instilled in your children.