As our kids have gotten older and their schedules more complex, dinnertime has become a much needed and enjoyable time to reconnect with them. As both boys have sharp memories and keen minds, the conversations have become increasingly diverse and complex. We've discussed (well, okay, the guys did) the results of C's latest math test, history, chemistry, botany, cooking, etc. Last night was not one of those times:
E: Hey, what happened to that preschool by your mom's house? Part of it was demolished; I saw one of those big, construction machines out front.
C: It's a back hoe...
E: You would think I'd remember that by now, considering I see them used all the time.
C: ...As opposed to a front hoe.
Me: Or a ho-ho.
E: Like the Hostess ones wearing a Robin Hood hat.
C: Ho-hos are mostly used near the Poles. There are high-hos.
Me: And hidy hos.
T: Or tally hos.
Some discussion, instigated and mostly participated in by E, followed regarding whether or not anyone with the last name Ho would actually give any of their children names such as "Tally" or "High". He decided that "hidy" spelled "Heidi" would be the most appropriate. By this time, the eating part of dinner was over and they were rolling tiny magnetic balls around the table and manipulating them into shapes; it must be a testosterone-driven thing because as much as I find the shapes they create interesting, I have no burning desire to try it myself. Yet another opportunity for intelligent conversation:
E: You know, a whole bunch of these little balls could be stuck together to make a chain mail shirt.
C: It would be too heavy, it wouldn't stay together.
Me: A magnetic "chain mail" bolero jacket then.
E: Or a chain mail bikini!
Me: Maybe just the bikini top.
T: Because the bottom would chafe...*silence around the table*...Well, that's what I heard!
With this kind of meaningful discourse, who needs dessert? :-)
Friday, March 18, 2011
Friday, March 11, 2011
Sometimes Love is Not a Many Splendored Thing
Last week I asked my psychology students if they could remember the last time they looked their parent, guardian or other family member in the face and said, "I love you." In each class, perhaps 4-5 students could pinpoint the last time but only 1-2 of them had done it within the past month; the class range was all over the place--anything from a few months ago to "Uh, years," as one of my boys stated. Yet when I asked them to identify the last time they criticized someone, even jokingly, a whole bunch of hands went up. Most of them had done it within that day, some within an hour of our class. Including me.
We did two follow-up assignments. For the first, everyone took out a sheet of paper and wrote their names across the top. I did one, too. We sat in a circle and passed the papers around. Each time we got a new paper, we had to write something positive about the paper's owner. At first, the kids complained; they claimed that they didn't know EVERYBODY in the class well enough to write on every paper. It was silly, they said. Like camp, someone moaned.
I can't believe they actually thought they had a choice! I started writing on the sheet in front of me and the students gradually followed suit. At first, I noticed the comments on the papers that came my way were brief: "You're nice" or "You have a cute shirt." It reminded me of my 7th grade yearbook. At least no one wished anyone else a "great summer" or hoped they'd "see them again next year"! Anyway, within a fairly short period of time, the comments began to expand: people recounted specific events they shared with that person, a talent they observed, took note of a friendly smile or an engaging sense of humor. The silence grew until all that was heard were the rustling of papers and the scratching of pens. Some of my students were unconsciously smiling as they wrote or even looking speculatively across the circle at a classmate they probably never bothered contemplating before.
When the activity was over and we had all written our piece, we read the comments. Hardly a word was spoken but smiles were breaking out all over the classroom. Some of the students had not signed their comments and I could tell that the papers' owners were trying to match the comments with the writers. Nearly all of the on-line reflections for the next few days raved about the activity and how good the comments made them feel. Many of the students never realized what other people noticed about them. Many said they would always keep the paper where they could see them as a positive reminder for bad days. The newly found sense of camaraderie extended beyond the papers. Today I noticed several people having a laughing conversation during recess; before last week, I had never seen them exchange anything more than a quick hello.
The second follow-up assignment was not nearly as successful. I challenged my students to look their parent, guardian, or other family member straight in the eye and tell them, "I love you." Students were then supposed to record the person's reaction and reflect upon the reasons why. It was not surprising that the few students who previously could remember when they last expressed their love to their parents got the most natural response: "Hey, I love you, too." In their families, expressions of love are often and freely given.
For too many of the students, the reciprocal response was not to be. Though some parents expressed surprise and did respond in kind, the majority either (1) laughed, (2) asked "What do you want?", (3) assumed there was some kind of trouble, or (4) ignored the statement completely. The students' reflections upon their families' reactions were remarkably forgiving, as well as perceptive; verbal love is not something their family did, some said, it was more important that love be shown through positive acts. Others defended their relatives' negative responses; it came out of nowhere, they said, if it's not commonly done, it's hard to know how to respond.
Some students who found the exercise difficult did express concern that if they had never been exposed to verbal expressions of love, they would never be able to model it for their own children. It made these particular students more determined than their classmates to take the time to express appreciation and affection to others. I think that's a lesson well-learned.
We did two follow-up assignments. For the first, everyone took out a sheet of paper and wrote their names across the top. I did one, too. We sat in a circle and passed the papers around. Each time we got a new paper, we had to write something positive about the paper's owner. At first, the kids complained; they claimed that they didn't know EVERYBODY in the class well enough to write on every paper. It was silly, they said. Like camp, someone moaned.
I can't believe they actually thought they had a choice! I started writing on the sheet in front of me and the students gradually followed suit. At first, I noticed the comments on the papers that came my way were brief: "You're nice" or "You have a cute shirt." It reminded me of my 7th grade yearbook. At least no one wished anyone else a "great summer" or hoped they'd "see them again next year"! Anyway, within a fairly short period of time, the comments began to expand: people recounted specific events they shared with that person, a talent they observed, took note of a friendly smile or an engaging sense of humor. The silence grew until all that was heard were the rustling of papers and the scratching of pens. Some of my students were unconsciously smiling as they wrote or even looking speculatively across the circle at a classmate they probably never bothered contemplating before.
When the activity was over and we had all written our piece, we read the comments. Hardly a word was spoken but smiles were breaking out all over the classroom. Some of the students had not signed their comments and I could tell that the papers' owners were trying to match the comments with the writers. Nearly all of the on-line reflections for the next few days raved about the activity and how good the comments made them feel. Many of the students never realized what other people noticed about them. Many said they would always keep the paper where they could see them as a positive reminder for bad days. The newly found sense of camaraderie extended beyond the papers. Today I noticed several people having a laughing conversation during recess; before last week, I had never seen them exchange anything more than a quick hello.
The second follow-up assignment was not nearly as successful. I challenged my students to look their parent, guardian, or other family member straight in the eye and tell them, "I love you." Students were then supposed to record the person's reaction and reflect upon the reasons why. It was not surprising that the few students who previously could remember when they last expressed their love to their parents got the most natural response: "Hey, I love you, too." In their families, expressions of love are often and freely given.
For too many of the students, the reciprocal response was not to be. Though some parents expressed surprise and did respond in kind, the majority either (1) laughed, (2) asked "What do you want?", (3) assumed there was some kind of trouble, or (4) ignored the statement completely. The students' reflections upon their families' reactions were remarkably forgiving, as well as perceptive; verbal love is not something their family did, some said, it was more important that love be shown through positive acts. Others defended their relatives' negative responses; it came out of nowhere, they said, if it's not commonly done, it's hard to know how to respond.
Some students who found the exercise difficult did express concern that if they had never been exposed to verbal expressions of love, they would never be able to model it for their own children. It made these particular students more determined than their classmates to take the time to express appreciation and affection to others. I think that's a lesson well-learned.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Time Flies When You're Not Paying Attention!
Last February I remember thinking that the year was off to a slow start and the next thing I knew, it was the beginning of December and I was trying to figure out where the heck the year had gotten to. Well, it's already March and rather than procrastinate a few more months, I decided to start early...in wondering, where the heck has the year gotten to?
Saturday, February 19, 2011
To post, or not to post...should have been the question!
"Disobedient, lazy, noisy, crazy, loafers" are just a few of the things Natalie Munroe, a high school English teacher in Philadelphia called her students. I can sympathize; my students run the gamut in terms of ability, level of motivation, parental support, command of the English language, you name it. Sometimes, it's hard to be their teacher. The problem is Natalie vented her frustrations in a blog which her students read, and then reported, to her school's administration. The result? Natalie has been suspended and the media furor has created divided camps: Natalie supporters (see them on Facebook) and Natalie critics. Discussions regarding how, or if, a teacher's online behavior should be monitored have erupted.
Unfortunately, I have to agree with much of the substance of her frustrations; too many of our students are unwilling to work hard, to go beyond what is expected of them and to do it willingly and wholeheartedly. Too many of our students are used to just getting by and are not being held accountable for their actions. As a result, they have poor work habits, poor critical thinking skills and questionable work ethics. Getting an A means far more to them than the knowledge they should acquire in order to achieve it.
It is a sad snapshot of our current society. Today's kids, my own included, have been spoiled by the technological advances of our time. Here's a prime example: When I was in high school, having to write a research paper meant making time to go to the library; it meant looking up resources in a card catalog, locating the book in the stacks, checking it out and reading through the book while I took notes. Then I typed the paper, making sure I adjusted the bottom margin accordingly for footnotes, manually rolling the typewriter platen up each time. Heaven help you if you miscalculated the amount of space you needed for those darned things!
For today's students, instant information is at their fingertips 24/7; they've lost the need and capacity to prioritize and plan. There are no long hours at the library, no scheduling around the library's hours or book return dates; sometimes there is very little writing, too--a clever student knows how to utilize cut and paste along with some judicious editing and appropriate use of APA citations. Grammar and spelling? There's no need to know that either when you use a program with spelling and grammar check.
So, while I agree with Natalie's frustrations, decision to post her remarks on a public blog was foolish and unprofessional. There is a time and place for comments such as these and an internet site that anyone can access is not one of them. Her venting may cost her her job and most certainly has cost her some of her credibility--especially in the area of "appropriate use of technology!"
Post-script: I am well aware that some of my readers will be amused and/or critical of the fact that in publicly questioning Natalie's decision, I am emulating it. I have a basic golden rule about what I decide to post: I never post anything I would be ashamed to have my mother read. Nope. Not ashamed at all.
Unfortunately, I have to agree with much of the substance of her frustrations; too many of our students are unwilling to work hard, to go beyond what is expected of them and to do it willingly and wholeheartedly. Too many of our students are used to just getting by and are not being held accountable for their actions. As a result, they have poor work habits, poor critical thinking skills and questionable work ethics. Getting an A means far more to them than the knowledge they should acquire in order to achieve it.
It is a sad snapshot of our current society. Today's kids, my own included, have been spoiled by the technological advances of our time. Here's a prime example: When I was in high school, having to write a research paper meant making time to go to the library; it meant looking up resources in a card catalog, locating the book in the stacks, checking it out and reading through the book while I took notes. Then I typed the paper, making sure I adjusted the bottom margin accordingly for footnotes, manually rolling the typewriter platen up each time. Heaven help you if you miscalculated the amount of space you needed for those darned things!
For today's students, instant information is at their fingertips 24/7; they've lost the need and capacity to prioritize and plan. There are no long hours at the library, no scheduling around the library's hours or book return dates; sometimes there is very little writing, too--a clever student knows how to utilize cut and paste along with some judicious editing and appropriate use of APA citations. Grammar and spelling? There's no need to know that either when you use a program with spelling and grammar check.
So, while I agree with Natalie's frustrations, decision to post her remarks on a public blog was foolish and unprofessional. There is a time and place for comments such as these and an internet site that anyone can access is not one of them. Her venting may cost her her job and most certainly has cost her some of her credibility--especially in the area of "appropriate use of technology!"
Post-script: I am well aware that some of my readers will be amused and/or critical of the fact that in publicly questioning Natalie's decision, I am emulating it. I have a basic golden rule about what I decide to post: I never post anything I would be ashamed to have my mother read. Nope. Not ashamed at all.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Still Lordly After All These Years
I spent all of Sunday watching "The Lord of the Rings" trilogy. Lest you think I did nothing but sit on the couch for approximately 8 hours, let it be known that I was embroidering a bunch of burp rags for a friend's soon-to-be-born baby at the same time. Hey, I can multi-task!
I have been a fan of the books since college and though I am not a fanatic, I admit I was skeptical when the first installment, "Fellowship of the Ring" came out; the task of creating a cohesive, entertaining and true-to-Tolkien film (not to mention 3) was a phenomenal task. Well, A and I enjoyed "Fellowship" so much, we went back to see it about 12 times! Never before, or since, have I spent that much time and money on a single film. The magic of Middle Earth never waned for us; the costuming, the music, the characters and Peter Jackson's serious efforts to maintain the heart of the story kept us coming back for more. In A's case, Orlando Bloom as Legolas certainly didn't hurt either!
Our enthusiasm saw us through the releases of the next 2 films as well as both the regular DVD releases and the Director's cut DVD for all 3 movies. It was sad to realize that our three-year movie event had finally come to an end.
Still, I admit there were certain favorite lines and scenes that I waited in vain for: Gimli requesting a lock of Galadriel's hair or Eowyn facing down the Witch King of Angmar with the powerful, "But no living man am I! You look upon a woman. Éowyn I am, Éomund’s daughter. You stand between me and my lord and king. Begone, if you be not deathless! For living or dark undead, I will smite you, if you touch him." In the movie she takes off her helm and says, "I am no man." Okay, same meaning, but still...I was also doubtful regarding the casting of Liv Tyler as Arwen--my main memory of her is in "Armageddon"--not exactly a part you can sink your teeth into. The coronation scene in "The Return of the King" forever erased any doubts; who didn't sigh in admiration when Arwen shyly peeped out at Aragorn around the standard she carried?
I thoroughly enjoyed my personal movie marathon; I had not watched the films for several years and not only have they kept their magic, I appreciate the effort that went into their production and the "little" details, even more now than I did before. Notably: Andy Serkis's CGI-assisted personification of Gollum which puts him on a par with any of the other principal actors; Boromir's death scene in which he expresses remorse and loyalty to Aragorn; the single tear of regret that trickles down Wormtongue's cheek when he realizes Saruman is plotting the total extinction of man; and Faramir's heart-rending, "If I should return, think better of me, Father."
Cinema gold!
I have been a fan of the books since college and though I am not a fanatic, I admit I was skeptical when the first installment, "Fellowship of the Ring" came out; the task of creating a cohesive, entertaining and true-to-Tolkien film (not to mention 3) was a phenomenal task. Well, A and I enjoyed "Fellowship" so much, we went back to see it about 12 times! Never before, or since, have I spent that much time and money on a single film. The magic of Middle Earth never waned for us; the costuming, the music, the characters and Peter Jackson's serious efforts to maintain the heart of the story kept us coming back for more. In A's case, Orlando Bloom as Legolas certainly didn't hurt either!
Our enthusiasm saw us through the releases of the next 2 films as well as both the regular DVD releases and the Director's cut DVD for all 3 movies. It was sad to realize that our three-year movie event had finally come to an end.
Still, I admit there were certain favorite lines and scenes that I waited in vain for: Gimli requesting a lock of Galadriel's hair or Eowyn facing down the Witch King of Angmar with the powerful, "But no living man am I! You look upon a woman. Éowyn I am, Éomund’s daughter. You stand between me and my lord and king. Begone, if you be not deathless! For living or dark undead, I will smite you, if you touch him." In the movie she takes off her helm and says, "I am no man." Okay, same meaning, but still...I was also doubtful regarding the casting of Liv Tyler as Arwen--my main memory of her is in "Armageddon"--not exactly a part you can sink your teeth into. The coronation scene in "The Return of the King" forever erased any doubts; who didn't sigh in admiration when Arwen shyly peeped out at Aragorn around the standard she carried?
I thoroughly enjoyed my personal movie marathon; I had not watched the films for several years and not only have they kept their magic, I appreciate the effort that went into their production and the "little" details, even more now than I did before. Notably: Andy Serkis's CGI-assisted personification of Gollum which puts him on a par with any of the other principal actors; Boromir's death scene in which he expresses remorse and loyalty to Aragorn; the single tear of regret that trickles down Wormtongue's cheek when he realizes Saruman is plotting the total extinction of man; and Faramir's heart-rending, "If I should return, think better of me, Father."
Cinema gold!
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Pause for Thought
The first time I had breast cancer was when I was 37 years old. It caught everyone, including my doctor, off-guard; I was young and a non-smoker, with no history of breast cancer in the family whatsoever. Three surgeries and a series of radiation treatments later, I was put on Tamoxifen, a drug that prevents estrogen from binding to its receptors in the breast. Since some breast cancers need estrogen in order to grow, the Tamoxifen essentially cut off its food supply.
Of course, when we mess with the body's normal functions, that usually means side-effects. In my case, my oncologist, gynecologist and radiation oncologist all expressed relief that I had already had all the children I intended to; early menopause, they all said. That's what the Tamoxifen will do to you. I took the drug for 5 years and my body obediently began fulfilling my doctors' prediction: I developed insomnia, night sweats, and hot flashes, my sex drive took a nose dive, my skin, which was already hyper-sensitive from the radiation, developed rashes at the drop of a hat. I actually saw a dermatologist for the first time in my life; she treated me for eczema as well as warts that developed in embarrassing places in the treatment area.
But the periods kept on coming, right on schedule, just slightly lighter and shorter in duration. Just to keep things interesting, I developed new PMS symptoms--cramping and bloating unlike anything I had before or since; my feet would blow up like balloons no matter what I ate or drank. I had more than one bad moment when my rings would not come off and my bangle bracelet got stuck halfway on and halfway off my hand. I told my oncologist about my symptoms. Dr. C., nodded and said, "I bet you've been getting leg cramps, too, right around now." He was right, but until he'd mentioned it, I hadn't made that connection. Looks like my side effects were proceeding on schedule. Dr. C. is a very nice man. I would have hated to disappoint him.
I told my gynecologist, Dr. Y. about my symptoms--especially the one about the sex drive--she hemmed and hawed a bit and said that Tamoxifen would do that to you. The treatment for lowered sex drive, unfortunately, is hormone therapy and in my case, that would have been counter-indicated. Well, what about after the Tamoxifen, I asked, would things go back to normal then? More hemming and hawing and then she said, "Well, but you'd be 5 years older then, wouldn't you?"
So the 5 years went by and I stopped taking Tamoxifen. Two years after that I received my second cancer diagnosis and despite a mastectomy and reconstruction (still working on that as we speak), I am still managing to flummox my doctors because at every check-up, every doctor expresses surprise that I have all the symptoms of menopause except for the big one: the PAUSE.
I was thinking about that recently and thought, it's symbolic, really--I have been supremely fortunate. Both times, the cancer was caught early and though there were times treatment was uncomfortable or inconvenient, tiring or frustrating, ultimately, I knew these were temporary interludes in my life and soon, I would be getting out of "Pause" mode and returning to my everyday life. Other people aren't so fortunate.
So when I feel like complaining these days, whether it is about work, my family, my ongoing treatment, I pause to remind myself about the people who have reason to complain, but don't. It's amazing how much better the reminder makes me feel.
Of course, when we mess with the body's normal functions, that usually means side-effects. In my case, my oncologist, gynecologist and radiation oncologist all expressed relief that I had already had all the children I intended to; early menopause, they all said. That's what the Tamoxifen will do to you. I took the drug for 5 years and my body obediently began fulfilling my doctors' prediction: I developed insomnia, night sweats, and hot flashes, my sex drive took a nose dive, my skin, which was already hyper-sensitive from the radiation, developed rashes at the drop of a hat. I actually saw a dermatologist for the first time in my life; she treated me for eczema as well as warts that developed in embarrassing places in the treatment area.
But the periods kept on coming, right on schedule, just slightly lighter and shorter in duration. Just to keep things interesting, I developed new PMS symptoms--cramping and bloating unlike anything I had before or since; my feet would blow up like balloons no matter what I ate or drank. I had more than one bad moment when my rings would not come off and my bangle bracelet got stuck halfway on and halfway off my hand. I told my oncologist about my symptoms. Dr. C., nodded and said, "I bet you've been getting leg cramps, too, right around now." He was right, but until he'd mentioned it, I hadn't made that connection. Looks like my side effects were proceeding on schedule. Dr. C. is a very nice man. I would have hated to disappoint him.
I told my gynecologist, Dr. Y. about my symptoms--especially the one about the sex drive--she hemmed and hawed a bit and said that Tamoxifen would do that to you. The treatment for lowered sex drive, unfortunately, is hormone therapy and in my case, that would have been counter-indicated. Well, what about after the Tamoxifen, I asked, would things go back to normal then? More hemming and hawing and then she said, "Well, but you'd be 5 years older then, wouldn't you?"
So the 5 years went by and I stopped taking Tamoxifen. Two years after that I received my second cancer diagnosis and despite a mastectomy and reconstruction (still working on that as we speak), I am still managing to flummox my doctors because at every check-up, every doctor expresses surprise that I have all the symptoms of menopause except for the big one: the PAUSE.
I was thinking about that recently and thought, it's symbolic, really--I have been supremely fortunate. Both times, the cancer was caught early and though there were times treatment was uncomfortable or inconvenient, tiring or frustrating, ultimately, I knew these were temporary interludes in my life and soon, I would be getting out of "Pause" mode and returning to my everyday life. Other people aren't so fortunate.
So when I feel like complaining these days, whether it is about work, my family, my ongoing treatment, I pause to remind myself about the people who have reason to complain, but don't. It's amazing how much better the reminder makes me feel.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Aaaaand, we're back!
We put up with the lousy internet connection via Clearwire for about 6 weeks; I was amazed at E's tolerance. Then again, he has an iPhone so maybe he wasn't suffering as much as C and I were! I have to say that I didn't fully realize how much I have come to depend on the internet for work and for leisure time; I could put up with not spending time checking my Facebook account or skimming through the craislist ads but not being able to check my email accounts, work on this blog, or do research for my classes...infuriating!
So we are back with Road Runner and the difference in speed has been phenomenal. It feels good to be back in action! Beep, beep!
So we are back with Road Runner and the difference in speed has been phenomenal. It feels good to be back in action! Beep, beep!
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